Silent Ride Home
By Brandon Scott
I have my hand on one wheel, my foot to the pedal, and I am coasting home as I play some of my favorite music selections. As I do that I often reflect on my life and the challenges that I face daily. The battles we tend to go through become overwhelming in many aspects. Imagine growing up in an urban community being a son of a former drug addict and drug dealer. Imagine a world like that. The anguish of that love generated to life in the fast lane.
I understood late that I battled with my mental health. It has always been something I’ve wanted to dig deeper into in hopes of strengthening myself while also finding solutions that help me cope with obstacles I sometime face on a daily. Being a man of strength, of power, and my own pride that comes with being a man, I had to open my mouth one day releasing the words, “I battle with mental illness.”
When we hear those words, “I battle with mental illness,” we often think crazy. I knew that I wasn’t crazy, I just knew I needed more. More of something to help me get through what I was going through. Where I am from mental health isn’t a cool topic of discussion; so unfortunately many of us are left fighting silent battles alone.
As I suffered in silence, I had to make life-altering decisions. One of the best decisions was telling myself that it was okay for Brandon to not be okay. I was really trying to act as though everything was “peaches and cream” and it wasn’t. But for whatever reason I didn’t allow myself to receive the proper treatment with acknowledging the inner battle against my mental that I had experienced. Have you ever thought about how many of us battle mental illness but yet don’t do the necessary to cope or to strengthen our minds, body, and spirits? How many of us remain silent about the battles we face? How many of us don’t seek help? We tend to cause more hurt in not finding help and support.
Having the proper resources to help the battles and weight against the mind has opened outlets, while creating different ways to cope and maintain my sanity, all while not losing myself in the midst of a silent fight.
With the courage that I knew I had within, I no longer had to hide my face. I say proudly that I am a mental survivor and always exploring ways to make sure that I am okay. I have learned to release the very things I was bothered by in order to develop a peace and vibe that surpasses all understanding.
One of the most rewarding ways that I have managed my life in the fast line, the daily challenges, and trajectory as a Black man is expressing myself through paper and pen. Writing is therapy for me. It allows me to release my thoughts, emotions, and sentiments on a sheet of tree and it has helped me deal with some of the natural pressures of life. I noted that once I am done in my writing, in a way I feel refreshed and not weighed down by anything. Being honest with myself in my writing has forced me to not care for the opinions that don’t give me life in efforts to maintain my mental health. I am only giving life and air to Brandon’s purpose as I reflect during my silent ride home.