Undefeated
By Malik Cyphers
My Name is Malik Cyphers and I am here to speak up about mental illness and depression for us African American men and athletes.
A mentor of mine once told me that it's 90% mental. He preached that to me my whole life as I played the sport I loved, the game called Football. I went to Portland State University where I played 4 years of Collegiate Football on a full scholarship. But this thing we called mental illness and depression took over during my Collegiate career.
It first began in 2015, on September 7th, the day I loss my best friend due to a car accident. Never in my life had I felt that experience before, losing someone so close. It was a true challenge for myself. Losing the only person who I thought knew me better than I knew myself. As I tried to manage my emotions through the process, five months later I also loss my roommate. It just felt like a nightmare, the amount of pain I began to endure. I couldn't believe my eyes and heart from what I witness and experienced.
I was thankful for playing a sport through my process of pain and mental struggles because football was my get away. It released how I felt. But then football became a disaster when dealing with politics and watching dreams fade away because of one person/coach dedicated that decision. So as it was time to go pro and live out my dreams and I didn't reach it, my mental state of depression began to take off harder than ever before.
Life after football is where I discovered how bad my mental illness was. I battled clinical depression and didn't know it until I saw myself at an all-time low. Struggling with sleep, communicating with others, all the signs was there of me falling apart and not being myself. I ignored the signs for a while trying to tell myself I was okay but deep down inside I wasn't.
Eventually I had some people in corner and my family tell me how important it was to see a therapist and face my problems that was haunting me. But one of the biggest struggles was learning how to cope with the true pain that was haunting me from the passing of close ones and dealing with rejections of life obstacles. Not having football to stir my pain no more is what cracked opened my true depression. I ignored it through college, believing I would’ve been fine and that therapy was for those who were really mentally ill, not even acknowledging that I was mentally ill myself.
It’s important that we as people especially of our kind, check on one another. In this life we all go through some type pain. No one is truly alone until they feel alone. Now more than ever I try to spread Love the way my brother/best friend did before his passing. His last Tweet wrote, "Love 3:47" and that word there is something that I try to leave on this earth for him and those around me for the rest of my life by spreading the love and knowledge onto others.
Now, I am here speaking up for us men and athletes to say, help those around you, help yourself, be honest with yourself and understand that it is okay to deal with your deepest fears; your true pain. We all have them, and it's okay to seek help, it's okay to express what bothers you truly. It's not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of growth and true strength, because you want change.
I've experienced the art of pressure from my own view and to those around me who saw who I should have been. We as men in our own world deal with a lot of pressure in our society, no matter if it’s a sport or just being a Black man walking down the street. Expectations must be met when being a Black man but people must also understand that we as Black men come from a lot of trial and tribulations like others and that's okay, but make sure that those fears, emotions, mental illnesses and depressional thoughts don't defeat you. Let it create you into the man you are suppose to be. Don't be afraid to speak up and speak out!
I want to thank Rasheeda for letting me share my story and knowledge. I felt it was finally time to share my story and help us Black men and athletes become comfortable with sharing our powerful stories.