Trauma not Drama

“Drama! Drama! Drama!” is all I could hear my friend repeat as she had sat and listened to me share my side of any story I had experienced countless of times.

Grateful for her to listen. Thankful for her time. Relieved to be able to express my sentiments. (Thank you friend!) Still, I was always hesitant and selective as to what information I would share the next time around.

Because you see, for me my experiences weren’t some reboot of “The Coldest Winter Ever” or one of your favorite hood novels (similar as hell but very different). They were real life events that had in some way impacted me. It wasn’t until I grew older I learned that those were traumatic experiences…and believe me when I say they were traumatic as f*ck!

If you’ve ever heard of trauma and understand in depth the impact it’s experiences can cause, then maybe you can relate. But if you haven’t then no worries, I got you!

Basically, traumatic experiences can be described as physical, domestic, emotional, or sexual abuse; physical or emotional neglect, mental illness, serious illness and severe injuries. A person experiencing a separation or divorce, abandonment, incarceration, death of a loved one, community violence, etc.

Damn near anything that happens that can cause you physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological pain.

Based on the previous examples I provided, I could easily identify having had experienced at least seven different traumatic events over the course of my 20-plus years being alive.

And if I know like I know, you who are reading this can probably identify at least one also.

If there isn’t any kind of trauma that you think you can’t identify with at this moment then let me fill you in on a little something, you have! (Especially if you are Black in America).

It’s nothing to be ashamed of or boast about but most importantly, be aware of your experiences. Process them and find ways to bravely face and overcome them.

Of the seven, major traumatic events I experienced, I can attest that gang violence and death of a loved one has caused me the most freaking trauma and pain as a native of South Central, Los Angeles.

In the city of LA, you can find the most beautiful, authentic, cultured, talented, smart, and resilient group of people, but you can also find the most pain and hurt due to the trauma our eyes have seen, ears have heard. Not to mention the many times moments we’ve had to lay a loved one to rest because of gang violence.

I was only 14-years-old when I lost my first friend to gang violence. He was murdered. Two years later, I was told by a doctor at Harbor-UCLA Medical Center that I had to say goodbye to my cousin because he was about to lose his life the same way. Three years later, I lost my cousin (his brother), also by murder. Then, another year later and probably every year after that someone I loved was being mourned by their family and friends because of the same reasons. Senseless killings.

“To live and die in LA.”

I’ve cried so many tears that at one point I felt numb and immune to death. It was as if gang violence was normal to me.

And let me tell you! Now, as a therapist with four-years of knowledge and experience in the field, a kid should neverrrrr ever feel numb to a loss of someone close to them.

It’s not normal to constantly lose friends and family to gang violence. It will never be normal!!!

It appeared that no matter how much I loved the city of Los Angeles and the beauty of it, no matter how much I had prayed to God to heal my city and my life, I was still experiencing a silent pain that I had never spoke of and truthfully, I often suffered in silence. But I know I wasn’t alone. Haven’t you ever been there?

Each lost triggered a different emotion. In attempt to find any answer to help cope with my traumas, in return I’ve felt almost every unhealthy emotion there possibly is; anger, resentment, sadness, grief, confusion, emptiness, hopeless, and sometimes helplessness.

Fortunately, I was later able to process my traumatic experiences, accept the loss and find ways to heal.  Was finding ways to cope easy? Absolutely, not! But definitely through many trials and errors of trying to find which mechanism would work best for me was I then able to sustain my sanity and in some way develop some motivation to persevere and enjoy life in the midst of the Drama.

Subsiding my pain with drugs and alcohol was not the options I chose to cope with. Reading, writing, traveling, listening to Nipsey Hussle’s music, connecting with others who have good energy and intentions and ultimately writing, is how I learned to heal.

Hence, this blog because I have found writing to be so therapeutic!

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