In Good Company

Imagine going through a global Covid-19 pandemic, witnessing an ongoing war on Black Lives and experiencing the losses of friendships and a relationship. You are somewhat stuck in between feeling anxious for the unknown and the outcome of a deadly virus, mixed with emotions regarding the treatment of our Black brothers and sisters, while simultaneously trying to find ways to contribute to bringing justice for them. In the meantime, you still must develop ways to process and deal with the loss of someone you loved and cared for so dearly.

As a Black woman, I often carry the burdened weight of the world on my shoulders in good fashion. Historically, for Black people we’ve had to do this for a long time. Every day I get dressed, I make sure I look good, smell good and find reasons to smile about the little things. But really, I’m over here suffering from a whole heartbreak while also trying to be the container for others. Yet, I’m just another Black woman attempting to save the world while going through her own personal sh*t.

This year of 2020 so far has been definitely real, to say the least. Not that every year prior wasn’t real but this one has literally brought out the best of both worlds. I began the year having to make some really tough decisions that resulted in much heartache and it may have been for “the better,” but only time will tell. However, I believe in the saying “there is healing in vulnerability” -- so allow me this space to be transparent in hopes of helping you to be so also.

Several  friends of mine (this year) thought it would be healthy for them if we went our separate ways. This caused me lots of pain because I sincerely value friendship and loyalty but I also honor thy saying “agreeing to disagree.” Hell, I thought our friendship would last forever leading into my future wedding and being by my side as I birthed my first child. But their decision to separate has forced me to learn to live without people you love for the sake of personal peace. I guess…………….but I am still healing through this.   

The loss of these friendships also triggered and reminded me of my loss of love. I had the opportunity to experience a unique love. A genuine love. A powerful love. A beautiful yet crazy love. A love that I never experienced previously, only to lose it in justification of “what was best for our own lives.”

WTF right? To have the world and lose the people you love in it is not easy especially when you felt it would be forever. However, there is something about the higher power of love; the universe and life that quickly provides you with perspective of all you are to still be thankful for.

Covid-19 is killing our loved ones due to the lack of access to medical resources  within the Black community. On the bright side, many of us are still healthy and fighting through each day but it’s still freaking scary.

To add, I looked at the news today and saw that our brothers and sisters are still being killed by another pandemic of racial injustice and it’s not okay (Read prior blog “IT’S OKAY TO NOT TO BE OKAY”). My sentiments remain the same.

As I reflect on all these matters, I know that I am not the only one experiencing these challenges. And for my Black men, I am talking for you too! 

Each stressor mentioned above are all significant and require their own level of healing and immediate attention because in some way, they either subconsciously or consciously have an impact on our mental health and emotional well-being -- at least it has for me.

It’s true that we are not our full-selves no matter how much we try to disguise the pain by looking good, because eventually it will spill over into other areas of our lives. So how the hell can we manage and heal these stressors?

Mental Note:

Acknowledge your stressors.

Be open, honest and vulnerable about what you are going through. Owning your emotions allows you to identify specifically what it is you need to address in order, to properly heal.

Communicate and process how you are feeling.

Communicating how these stressors and experiences are making you feel could improve your current mood. It is something about communicating how you are feeling that takes a little less weight off your shoulders. It’s also just as important to communicate how you feel to the person/situation who contributed to you feeling that way. But only do so when you are ready. 

Be kind to yourself.

We know that we are strong and resilient. But some experiences, heartbreaks, and/or losses take more time than others to penetrate and heal. If you are stuck in an unwanted mood longer than usual give yourself the adequate time and capacity to be alone and take care of your health; mental, emotional, spiritual well-being, and physical. Some days will be better than others and some days not so. But remember, the goal is to GET THROUGH IT, NOT OVER IT! Please note: your mood has a direct impact and effect on your overall health.

Become familiar with the Serenity Affirmation and affirm it daily.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. Courage to accept the things that I can; and the wisdom to know the difference”. Ps when fighting for our freedom and liberation, as Angela Davis would say “ I am changing the things I cannot accept”.  Apply either affirmation that speaks to your current situation.

BE IN GOOD COMPANY.

One of the most important things to do during this time is to be around people who pour into you, feed your soul, and love you unconditionally. That company will support you in your healing process. Lean onto those people who will uplift you and love you in your truth. Despite it all, “we gon’ be alright!”

#BlackLivesMatter #BlackLoveMatters #HealthyLoveMatters #BlackMentalHealthMatters