What Do I Deserve?

By Markeisha Tramell

What do I deserve ?

Peace

Love

Wealth

Happiness

Loyalty

I deserve to feel appreciated without feeling guilty of my own expectations .

But my peace is what’s more important to me because I feel like I’ve sacrificed so much of it. I feel like I’ve lost more than what I’ve gained & I feel like it’s a constant battle trying to get it back. Constantly learning to accept the things I cannot change & know that I fight no war alone because god is always with me.

I’ve experienced a never ending nightmare with the loss of a son. It was like my heart fell out of my chest like I died with him. I thought negatively when he died, I was angry I cried i still. But God is constantly giving me understanding. He lets me know my son was at peace, he was happy. That all the pain he endured was no longer. That put me at ease, it gave me some kinda peace, knowing that the battle he fought here on earth was over. I didn’t have to see him suffer no more . I didn’t have to question why he didn’t do things a normal child would do. I didn’t have to hate myself for witnessing my child suffer.

Peace was brought to me the day I stopped feeling negatively about my son’s death. The day I understood why God took him away, the day I knew god knew best. See peace can’t be bought it’s something that’s self taught something within. Something that I knew would take time to find but I knew I had to. I had to learn that when sticks are thrown my way you pick them up and you build with them. You become better not bitter. You pray, you acknowledge, but you KEEP GOING.

I’ve tackled many obstacles in this life & I’m sure there are more. But God has blessed me with the ability to go in every situation knowing that troubled times don’t last long. I’m blessed I’m happy and I’m thankful & ready to get any and everything I deserve.

& that starts with internal peace.